Dear Future Husband....Welcome to the Family

Dear Future Husband,

I recently gave you an, already known, insight on who I am. Now, I must warn you of the people who have been dealing with me for 26 years: my family and friends. They will cheer with excitement at our wedding because I am no longer their "problem" but forever yours.
Some things about my family that you should probably know and be aware of; as you must know by now, I am my parents’ only child. Protective is an understatement. My dad probably knew from the beginning if you were going to last just by the first handshake or so he claims. Just know that he will probably not get over the fact that I am going to be married and will forever think of me as his little girl who is still a virgin. He does own a Mexican Market and I believe he is running the Irish/Mexican mob, so just be aware, he may have "people" that could "take care of you" if you ever hurt me. Apparently, my dad can not talk all day to my mom but once I get to my parents house, he is a non-stop talker. He gets really excited when I come over. My mom, who is your saver during my “McNary moments”, is a funny woman. She will call me out on my BS, says to me "You're pretty” when I make "blond comments", calls me a loser on a regular basis, and will laugh at me when I am trying to be serious. Yep, my mom loves me. All that she has done will eventually lead me to therapy.
My Aunt Susan is like my second mom and needs to know every detail in our relationship. She also hates silence, it makes her feel uncomfortable, she will talk you’re ear off about anything and everything and if you tell her a secret the whole family will know within 24 hours. No secrets are safe with her. My cousin, Brian, or Brother-from-another-mother, is the Golden Child of the family. He can do no wrong and is the shining star. I will revisit my childish ways whenever I am around him. Be prepared. The five-year comes to the surface and I will dance, sing, and do anything to get his attention. I will also re-tell stories of how he tormented me when we we're younger just to get sympathy.
We are a competitive family, well, the McNary side is. We have turned my 5-year old cousin into a really competitive child. Ask him about Easter Sunday and the Easter Egg Hunt. I talked strategy with him for at least 10 minutes. Once he starts playing sports, it’s over! Some random, but need to know things: you should learn how to play golf (trust me on this), my uncle is a lawyer and I will consistently ask him questions regarding the law, family dinner is on Monday nights, and the alcohol flows at family parties.
Some things about my friends; I have many guy friends who I have known for years and are overprotective. So not only do you need to deal with an overprotective family but now overprotective friends. One of my best guy friends is a 6 foot 3 inch Indian ex-football player. My Kuya, or Teddy, will befriend you in a second, my bestie, Danielle, will have a nickname for you within a week of knowing you, and my best friend from High School, Kori, will always be my “third date” to every family function, wedding that we go too.
Welcome to my life!

XOXO

Your Future Wife