Dear Future Husband....Welcome to the Family

Dear Future Husband,

I recently gave you an, already known, insight on who I am. Now, I must warn you of the people who have been dealing with me for 26 years: my family and friends. They will cheer with excitement at our wedding because I am no longer their "problem" but forever yours.
Some things about my family that you should probably know and be aware of; as you must know by now, I am my parents’ only child. Protective is an understatement. My dad probably knew from the beginning if you were going to last just by the first handshake or so he claims. Just know that he will probably not get over the fact that I am going to be married and will forever think of me as his little girl who is still a virgin. He does own a Mexican Market and I believe he is running the Irish/Mexican mob, so just be aware, he may have "people" that could "take care of you" if you ever hurt me. Apparently, my dad can not talk all day to my mom but once I get to my parents house, he is a non-stop talker. He gets really excited when I come over. My mom, who is your saver during my “McNary moments”, is a funny woman. She will call me out on my BS, says to me "You're pretty” when I make "blond comments", calls me a loser on a regular basis, and will laugh at me when I am trying to be serious. Yep, my mom loves me. All that she has done will eventually lead me to therapy.
My Aunt Susan is like my second mom and needs to know every detail in our relationship. She also hates silence, it makes her feel uncomfortable, she will talk you’re ear off about anything and everything and if you tell her a secret the whole family will know within 24 hours. No secrets are safe with her. My cousin, Brian, or Brother-from-another-mother, is the Golden Child of the family. He can do no wrong and is the shining star. I will revisit my childish ways whenever I am around him. Be prepared. The five-year comes to the surface and I will dance, sing, and do anything to get his attention. I will also re-tell stories of how he tormented me when we we're younger just to get sympathy.
We are a competitive family, well, the McNary side is. We have turned my 5-year old cousin into a really competitive child. Ask him about Easter Sunday and the Easter Egg Hunt. I talked strategy with him for at least 10 minutes. Once he starts playing sports, it’s over! Some random, but need to know things: you should learn how to play golf (trust me on this), my uncle is a lawyer and I will consistently ask him questions regarding the law, family dinner is on Monday nights, and the alcohol flows at family parties.
Some things about my friends; I have many guy friends who I have known for years and are overprotective. So not only do you need to deal with an overprotective family but now overprotective friends. One of my best guy friends is a 6 foot 3 inch Indian ex-football player. My Kuya, or Teddy, will befriend you in a second, my bestie, Danielle, will have a nickname for you within a week of knowing you, and my best friend from High School, Kori, will always be my “third date” to every family function, wedding that we go too.
Welcome to my life!

XOXO

Your Future Wife

Happily Ever After...or NOT!

I think I need to explain something. The last blog I wrote was a "Dear Future Husband" letter warning him about the elements of my crazy family and friends. Some of you read this and some did not (which was pretty unfortunate for you because I thought it was hilarious) but I would like to apologize to the ones who took it personally. So, Auntie Susan, I am sorry if I wrote something that hurt your feelings. Happy now? So with this blog I am taking a different approach and not writing a letter to my future husband...read and enjoy!

As little girls, we grew up watching fairy tales. The lonely, little girl who has some kind of messy family situation and then about 20 minutes into the story a handsome, usually rich, man comes riding in to save the day. They call this man Prince Charming. Price Charming is a perfect man who falls madly in love with this lonely girl within 5 minutes of seeing her. Eventually, he saves her from her dysfunctional family situation and they live HAPPILY EVER AFTER. What a life, what a story, what a huge load of BS. My friend Jennifer, we like to call her Princess Jenn, believes that she will find her Prince Charming; and she may. She hopes and prays that her Prince comes driving up in a Mercedes and will take her to Rodeo Drive to go shopping. The chance of this happening is very slim, but, why can’t it happen? Why should Jenn settle? Why should any woman settle? Maybe that is why I am single at 26 because I haven’t settled and praise Jesus for that.

In my 26 years of being a woman, I have dated. Not a lot but I have had my fair share of the ones with issues, to the ones who want to change their ManWhore ways but can’t, to the actual nice guys who are not really sure what they want. As woman, we talk and after a date, we talk a lot. We scrutinize every detail of a date, from the time he knocks on the door, to the moment we close the door at the end of the night. We analyze, we over think, and then we discuss it with our girlfriends only for them to analyze and over think. We will even call up our best guy friend and ask him about it. They will listen and then give us the real truth of what the guy is thinking. It's kinda like that cheesy movie "He's Just Not That Into", where he's not calling you, kissing you, blah blah blah. But, even though that movie was cheesy (I enjoyed "Twilight" more than that movie and that is saying a lot) it is somewhat true. I was dating this guy last summer; let’s name him “Juan.” When “Juan” and I dated we were both unemployed and that was the “excuse” I gave him for not wanting to be exclusive. This was the excuse that my friends gave him too. “A man needs to be secure with himself, meaning that he needs to make money.” Seriously, I look back and think I am a complete idiot for thinking this. One day I was talking to my best guy friend and he was asking me about “Juan.” I told him what I thought about why we weren’t exclusive and he said to me “You’re an idiot. He doesn’t want to be exclusive with you or else he would. Come on Laura, you know his past, he's just playing a game with you” I was shocked (the idiot comment was not necessary but my mom calls me a loser so whatever), my ego was bruised and then, I thanked him because he spoke the truth. “Juan” and I ended things shortly after this. I have come to realize that a guy will date you no matter what. If you live on the moon, he will make it to you somehow. As a girl, sometimes we lack sleep and we change plans just to hang out with a guy. Guys will never do this; they will travel a thousand miles to see you but they will never change plans with their boys to hang out with you or change gym (the sanctuary for men) plans. That is like a death sentence to them. Take them to the gas chamber because they will forever be teased and made fun of for the rest of their lives.

So, lesson learned. Never waste time on a guy or never lose beauty sleep! By the way, I am kinda upset that I deleted my last "Dear Future Husband" letter. I may put it back up. Until next time...

XOXO

Dear Future Husband,

Hello, brave soul. You are well aware of everything I am about to tell you but I just want to remind you what you are getting yourself into. I do not have a filter, meaning, my thoughts in my head, usually come out of my mouth or what I am thinking is written all over my face. But what I can promise you that I will only have a filter at work events and family functions. All the other times, I can’t promise you anything. I will sometimes, actually most of the time, burst out in song and dance. These moments can happen at anytime, any day, anywhere. There are a couples things you can do in these moments: walk away from me, stand there and act like you don’t know me but I will make more of a scene that involves you, and the best thing you can do is just laugh with me. I will sometimes make up words. This has been happening since I was little, for proof, just ask my mom. I laugh when I am uncomfortable, I ask random questions, and don’t ever let me take shots of straight vodka. I will have what my family likes to call “McNary moments.” These moments may include cussing, yelling, and me continuing to talk about the issue that has gotten me so mad for at least an hour. Now, you may be the reason why I am having a “McNary moment” and you may not, but just so you are aware my mom and Uncle John have created a support group. Just keep their phone numbers in you’re cell for emergency purposes. All you have to say is “I need back up. McNary moment is currently taking place.” They will talk you through it and will aid you with support. These moments will probably happen at least 2 or 3 times a year, so please be aware. My friends are my family; my little cousin (who is 5 years old) thinks I am his age because I get on his level, the meaning behind this is that I am young at heart; I will talk you’re ear off about work and will sometimes wake up on Saturday mornings thinking it’s a work day. Just tell me to stop running to the shower and to get back in bed. I am clumsy, I can be stubborn, and I think I can cook and bake but have had many “mishaps” in the kitchen. So if I ever cook or bake you anything, please just swallow it and tell me it’s disgusting. Now that everything is said and done and you do not want to be my future husband, which is fine; just remember I work with gang members.


XOXO,

Your Future Wife

"My hamster ate it"

I have been working at my job now for about 5 months. There are some good days, there are some bad days, and then, there are the days in-between where some excuses just don't make sense to me. I can deal with the excuse "I forgot" but when I give you an important, very important, piece of paper and you tell me "My hamster ate it", we have an issue! First of all, I HATE those little geerbils and the way they eat makes me want to vomit. Second, a hamster! Not a dog or a cat, a hamster.

Let me back up! For those of you that don't know what I do, I work for the Marriott Foundation where I work with disabled (learning disabilities, mostly) inner-city young adults who don't have the "soft skills" that is takes to find a job (interview skills, resume writing, etc...).


Now that we have that one covered, let's get back to the story! A hamster! A small geerbil that makes me sick to my stomach when I see one. My face was covered with a look that my mom probably would have pulled out a mirror just to show me that it was not at all an attractive face to have. I was speechless and all he kept saying was "I'm sorry, Miss!" (I work in East Los Angeles where calling a woman "Miss" is a form of respect!) So I took the piece of paper from him and made a copy of it, I need something to document this occasion of "My hamster ate it". He was shocked that I wanted to keep the torn up thing. That hamster had a good time with this paper. What I pondered next was actually having our corporate offices and funders believe this story. I have not been questioned yet about this torn up, half eaten paper that exists in his file; but I know the day will come when I get questioned about the piece of paper and the words must come out of my mouth, "His hamster ate it!"

But atleast the hotel discounts are nice!

Right now, this blog can go many ways! Here are the options:
1. My interactions with my inner-city students and how I have never been to happy hour so many times since I took this job.
2. The random thoughts in my head.
3. What single woman mostly talk about, MEMS: Men, Emotions, Money, Sex.
or the last one 4. A variety of things. You could think of this blog as a good 70's variety show.

I am swinging with the good old 70's variety show. Stay tuned!